Rain in June: Chaos to Welcome Another Chaos

 "Tak ada yang lebih tabah

dari hujan bulan Juni. 

Dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya

kepada pohon berbunga itu..."

An excerpt from a Sapardi Djoko Parmono poem, Hujan di Bulan Juni.

 

There has been a saying that rain in June is "farewell" rain. Preceded by an autumn that only lingers for a moment, enormous heat strokes, and then hard rain falling for a few days out of the blue. And then, here we go with the dry season. After all, the often gray sky only came in for a few moments to see how everyone was doing down below.

 

"I feel shy,"  the cloud said.

"Well, it's a farewell rain after all. You don't need to give all the water to us."

At least that's what I catch from its temporary presence.

When it comes to saying goodbyes and farewells, they are deeply melancholic and sad. It's all about letting go and welcoming the unexpected. Welcoming something new has never been this easy; making new habits is not as enthusiastic as making those New Year's resolutions, and bringing in new feelings is not as easy as before.

It takes time for me to fully recognize that what I once owned is gone in an instant. Family, security, and stability. In this case, I lost my job, which includes three things that behold my well-being and sanity throughout 2020 and 2021.

Because I thought I finally settled. Because I thought I'm in the right pace. Because I thought everything was enough and fine. And suddenly, a full stop.

 While facing the hardest goodbye in 2021, I exceptionally, urgently, and straight away need a fresh start. But what is humanity all about anyway. We've got to pray, believe, and make effort. But while I checked all the to do lists, the darkest moment came. Anxiously waiting for the answer from God, I hope that my story is being written beautifully and poetically. Even on my darkest days, I can be romantic.

But I believe in Him. 

I suppose what I learned from this pause moment is that we will always encounter chaos in our lives. However, there will always be this pause moment from chaos to chaos. To reflect, to gain more strength, and to be anxious all the way, every night, or even at noon. The chaos will still follow us, but it will not haunt us like a shadow. But they are here to remind us that at the end of the day, you will be the best version of yourself. Maybe we can befriend them too. Make them tame.

Funny thing, I thought I was already the best version of myself, thinking about how much chaos I've been in for the past two years. But I thought they just wanted me to be the strongest creature on earth. And I'm on my way to becoming her.

I'm ready.